Beauty of Moonlight
by daughterofmars
Summary: In daylight doubt is easy to close your eyes to. Unfortunately, the moonlight is keeping Haruka awake, forcing her to face her doubts and answer to her conscience.


**Beta Acknowledgement:** Thanks to turtledove for helping me out with this and her willingness to look it over. All remaining mistakes are my own.

**Author's Notes: **Based on the Sailor Moon anime, seeing that I have never laid eyes on the manga. Events portrayed in this fic take place directly after episode 101 and 102 of Sailor Moon Super (the episodes where Usagi's pure heart crystal is stolen). There will be Haruka/Michiru - of course, and Haruka/Usagi - unrequited. Besides that mentions of Kaorinite and Sailor Jupiter will occur.

**Disclaimer: **I think you know, but I do not own Sailor Moon in any form. Naoko Takeuchi-sama does. I'm only playing around and loving the most amazing characters ever invented. No profit made.

**Prompt: **Quiet, 10lilies on LJ.

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**Beauty of Moonlight**

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Even though Haruka liked giving in to the speed in her blood and letting the rush of air around her take away her worries, if only for the moment, she knew there were problems she couldn't solve by letting her element sweep them away. In the end, the wind was an unpredictable partner and had the unfortunate tendency of turning against you when you least expected it, bringing every leaf of trouble with it. Yes, she did like the roar of her car engine when accelerating and the growl of her bike when she let it loose in a curve, but there was something about the quiet of night that had always comforted her when her mind was rustling with thoughts like it was now.

The living room was left in darkness around her, the faint moon outside the enormous window the only source of illumination. From where Haruka was sitting on the windowsill the lights from the city beneath her were easy to ignore – and if she raised her gaze just so, leaning her head back against the window frame and pushing herself off the windowsill a couple of inches, it almost felt as if she was floating among the stars up there. Sighing, she eased back against the wall, stretching out her long legs, naked skin gleaming in the moonlight. Her alter ego might be Mistress of the Winds, but at times like this Haruka longed for the ability to _fly_ – sprout wings and forget the day Newton discovered gravity.

More than anything, however, she wished that it wasn't so hard for her to ignore her emotions and simply do what was her duty. Back when Michiru had saved her from the monster that should prove to be the key to her new life, Haruka had been ready to stand up for the boy within the beast – convinced that the means could never justify the measures. Murder was murder, no matter what; an excuse good enough for killing didn't exist. That was what she had believed then… before Michiru had sacrificed herself in order to keep Haruka out of harm's way.

In the best interest of the majority, a few individuals would have to pay with their lives. It was that simple, really. Haruka had learned her lesson by now.

Except… it had got a little – no, a lot – more complicated after _Odango Atama _entered the scene….

Gritting her teeth, Haruka turned her head to watch the red and white lights of the cars moving like fireflies back and forth on the dim roads below, their glow reflected in the glass of the window like droplets of radiance. A simple trick of the eye.

She had been so careful to keep her heart out of this; only ever relying on Neptune because she was bearing the same burden upon her shoulders – neither of them could lose any more than what they had already given up on to follow their calling; both aware of the dangers of their mission. Being with Michiru, loving Michiru, was safe, because their destinies were already entwined.

_Tsukino Usagi_ was another matter entirely. _Tsukino Usagi _was everything Haruka was not supposed to be distracted by at this point in time; everything she was not supposed to find appealing or attractive. Yet, there was something in the girl's eyes; in her voice when she had talked directly to Haruka's heart from the backseat of her car about the people she was stepping on when trying to complete her task… there was something about her beaming smiles and her ridiculous buns that had succeeded in edging its way through all of Haruka's defences.

"_Shimatta,_" Haruka hissed, mentally scolding herself as she pressed her burning forehead against the cool window, _Odango's _blushing cheeks flaming behind her closed eyelids; her shrill voice as she made her little speech echoing in the silence of Michiru's and hers apartment. "Get out of my head, kitten…"

The words were merely a whisper, but just saying them out loud was a crime, Haruka knew. She had to stay focused; she had to remember to whom she owed her loyalty…. The Talismans. The Grail. _The Messiah_. She needed to find the Messiah before she could let anyone but Michiru into her heart. She couldn't afford to fail.

But she already had….

Today… Today had been her final exam – her graduation project; her chance of showing herself that she could do this without stumbling in her pace – and Haruka had failed. Her heart had fought her body too hard, forcing her to use far too much energy on staying where she was without blowing the _Daimon_ to pieces for daring to lay hands on Usagi. That was the true reason why she had ended up hurting her shoulder – she had faltered, only because _Sailor Moon _for a second reminded her of _Odango_. It was unforgivable, reprehensible and uncalled-for. Haruka had no excuse for saving those pathetic girls from their demise. None.

Except for the fact that for one fleeting moment, Sailor Moon had looked just like _Tsukino Usagi _with her desperate, white face and too brave eyes….

Uttering an angry sound, Haruka curled her right hand into a fist, hitting it against the pane underneath her over and over, the dull sounds of the blows disappearing in the quietness of the room like snow melting on the spring-warm ground. It hurt, but not as much as knowing that she had let herself down along with her assignment, Michiru and everything else she had been entrusted with after awakening as Sailor Uranus. For the gentle smile of some cute girl, she had forgotten her true objective. It was intolerable.

"_Yamete,_" a soft voice said; a pair of cool hands grabbing hold of Haruka's arm as she was about to hit her fist against the windowsill again. "Sometimes you're too hard on yourself, Haruka." Michiru's tone was neither scolding as it had been after her clash with Sailor Jupiter nor did it hold the teasing note it had done as she helped Haruka down the stairs of Tokyo Tower mere hours ago; after Kaorinite had ended up as the target of her own attack. Instead it was filled with a calm understanding that did not make Haruka feel better – if anything it only made her feel even more blameworthy.

"I would have hated the Messiah if her pure heart's crystal had turned out to be a Talisman," Haruka told Michiru in a low voice, filled with shame, careful not to look at her. Living your life by leaving someone behind – stepping on someone else – didn't feel as heroic as she had once convinced herself that it was. To be honest, it felt _dirty_.

Usagi-chan's words about joining forces had spoken to the part of Haruka who had yelled at Sailor Neptune that the monster she was fighting had been a normal boy only a few minutes prior to the attack; the part of Haruka which ached every time the word _sacrifice _came over her lips. Groaning almost inaudibly, she hugged her knees to her chest, hiding her face in the crook of her arm.

Making a tender sound in the back of her throat, much like the sounds Haruka had heard her producing when one of the children in her art class fell and bruised a knee – as if she was speaking to a hurt deer or a kicked puppy – Michiru caressed the side of Haruka's face gently. Fingers running through Haruka's dirty blonde hair in a soothing manner, she pressed herself against Haruka's side, the thin fabric of her night gown making the skin on her arm tickle.

So typically Michiru this was; always accepting, always indulgent of all Haruka's moods if she could feel that Haruka didn't have the energy for a discussion. Had it been anyone else, she would have felt annoyed by it, but with Michiru it was hard staying angry if they weren't exactly on the brink of one of their rows.

It wasn't because Michiru would take everything from her, Haruka knew – on the contrary, she hated patronizing just as much as being patronized and drew the line when she felt it was necessary; with Haruka's flirting, with Haruka's attitude, with everything Haruka, really. Nevertheless, Michiru had a good intuition and often seemed to instinctively know what people around her needed, especially when it came to her tomboyish lover.

"You would have taken the crystal of her heart, had it been required of you," Michiru reminded her, "and that's what is important. You would have ignored your feelings and accomplished your mission, if it had been necessary." Her fingers never stopped their movement through Haruka's hair; pushing her bangs away from her face again and again in comforting little touches of fingertips against her cool skin.

Haruka squeezed her eyes shut and moved her arm to lean her head against the soft curve of Michiru's breasts. She knew it was true – she knew Michiru was right, as she so often was, but it didn't make her hate what she had done any less. Was it supposed to comfort her, the fact that she would have let Usagi die to get hold of the Grail? Was it supposed to make her feel justified?

An innocent. That was what _Odango Atama _was; that was what Haruka was so attracted to about her… her purity. She would never be able to understand the difficulties of Sailor Uranus' mission or the conflict of emotions it led to within Haruka's soul. No, _Odango _thought everything could be solved with love and peace and good intentions, but Haruka was too old – too much of a soldier – to believe in that anymore.

God, how she wanted to believe in it... how she wanted to have that kind of conviction….

Losing your faith was the hardest part of growing up.

Letting her arms come up to encircle Michiru's waist, she pulled the other girl closer, feeling Michiru take a tentative step forward as Haruka twisted her own body to hide her face at her neck; the familiar, reassuring scent of _Michiru _embracing her in much the same way as Michiru's hands resting on her shoulders did, straying from time to time to stroke her back through the tank-top Haruka normally wore at night.

_Odango _with all her inexperience and childhood beliefs was a temptation – an unpolished diamond placed in front of Haruka to blind her when the sunlight made it shine like crystallized water; Sailor Neptune and Talismans forgotten in its brightness. Still, she was only a gem. Haruka could deal with gems…. She had to, because faith alone wouldn't win a battle. To come out victorious, it would take action and, despite her unwillingness, sacrifices. These were the unchangeable aspects of war.

Feeling Michiru step back, Haruka finally opened her eyes to face her partner. Outside, the morning was creeping through the darkness and silence of night, the pale pink blush of the sunset casting shadows on Michiru's face and down her body like a puzzle of shadow and light. In the dim glow of dawn, Michiru's eyes had the same colour as the ocean at night, so dark blue that they almost seemed blackish, softened by the small smile curling on her lips.

Michiru was striking in her beauty – more valuable than any gemstone in the world and Haruka appreciated it, knowing that things around them could change all they wanted, Michiru would stay by her side, just like the sea would always stay near the sky in the horizon.

In daylight doubt was easier to close your eyes to. Luckily.

"_Gomen,_" Haruka apologised, sitting up straighter, the glass of the window clammy and cold against her bare shoulder as she moved. She tried with her trademark crooked smile, but knew it didn't reach her eyes. "It was the moonlight…"

Laughing, Michiru crossed her arms over her chest, her nightdress riding up her thigh just enough for Haruka to ignore any thoughts of _Tsukino Usagi_ at the moment. "You can't use that excuse twice, Haruka," Michiru teased in a voice that was no longer softened by the soul of night and sympathy for Haruka's inner turmoil. Now a new day would begin. After sunset they could be _Tenoh Haruka _and _Kaioh Michiru_ – sixteen year old girls with all the issues an identity like that resulted in – but during the sunlit hours, they were _Senshi_.

Pushing herself off the windowsill and stretching her sore back as she stood up, Haruka took a deep breath. As long as they stayed here in Tokyo, as long as they attended _Mugen Gakuen _and kept up the façade of a normal pair of young Japanese women – to whatever extend they could – this was the double-life she had to live. Fighting and battling her conscience every time a struggle ended. Until it was all over.

And maybe when it was, Haruka thought to herself, closing her eyes for a brief moment… Maybe then she could allow herself to be warmed by the light she felt surrounding _Tsukino Usagi_.

Until then, though….

Blinking as she heard the sound of footsteps – bare feet against the floor, three soft steps before silence indicated a halt – Haruka opened her eyes to find herself face to face with Michiru, her arms now by her sides and her eyes the same colour as the sea on a day when it reflected the colour of the sky above. Cocking her head, Michiru reached out and took her hand, their fingers interlacing in the easy way that came with the kind of relationship they shared – long evenings on the couch, talking; followed by even longer, quiet nights in a bed that was probably not quite big enough for two people.

Haruka was well aware of the fact that when it came to her partner in crime, she couldn't hide anything; especially not when Michiru was seeking answers as she did in this moment, all her attention focused on Haruka's face – on her uneasy features; forehead creasing in a frown, lips pressed together in a taut line. Any mask Haruka might have tried hiding behind wouldn't have survived those eyes.

Michiru pursed her own lips as if she saw something on Haruka's face that confirmed her thoughts and then nodded, refraining from saying anything but: "Look out the window, Haruka", making Haruka wonder for a moment what _she _felt when it came to _Odango_. Did she feel the same warmth about her as Haruka did? After all, between the two of them Michiru _was _the one with a streak of psychic powers…. Not Haruka; however much she was able to vaguely sense and foretell in her frequent, nightly returns to her castle of the heavens from once upon a peaceful kingdom.

As Michiru had told her to, Haruka turned around towards the window again, not entirely sure what she was supposed to see in the scenario before her, but eyes still following the waves of sunlight that now began to break against the facades of the skyscrapers and run through the streets like golden liquid.

"You have a kind heart, _koi_, I know…" Michiru whispered in her ear, pressing herself against Haruka's back and leaning up on her toes to rest her chin on Haruka's shoulder – the left, because her right shoulder was still swollen and painful from the cut she had received during her little tête-à-tête with Kaorinite. "Therefore, never forget that it's a beautiful world you're trying to save, doing what you have to do – what only you _can _do."

The words made Haruka recall the first time she met Usagi-chan and that other girl… Minako-chan, was it? They had asked what her dream was now when it wasn't becoming a famous racer. "_Doing something only I can do_," she had told them, Michiru having grabbed hold of her hand in empathy – like Michiru always did, because she had been with Haruka from the start, recognising the self-control Haruka had to muster not to break their sacred promise.

Staring unseeingly at the sun rising over the city like a ripe orange, caught up in the feeling of Michiru's gentle presence and an image coming to mind; an echo of Usagi as she had opened her eyes to look up at Sailor Uranus, asking if they had really saved her, Haruka suddenly remembered that Usagi _hadn't_ been the bearer of a Talisman. She was still an innocent; still untouched by the war Haruka and Michiru were trying to win. They hadn't found their sacrifice yet, but it wasn't _Tsukino Usagi_ and to Haruka that was a relief.

"Something only I can do," she repeated, feeling Michiru's smile rather then seeing it out the corner of her eye. The sun hung between two building tops, its glow having turned white instead of golden, heralding the approaching noon; the shine of the moon a faint silhouette in comparison. The time of the moon would return, but for now Haruka had to spend her days on finding a way to rescue everything she had come to believe in.

For _Odango Atama-chan's _sake as well, because Usagi possessed the beauty of the moon and the quiet strength of the night when the wind was lulled to sleep.

Perhaps faith wasn't completely lost to Haruka after all, because – indeed – the world before her was beautiful, but this blonde girl with her blue eyes and cute hairwas as well, and Haruka would keep that in mind as she searched for the Grail.

"Don't make me feel jealous, _Tenoh Haruka_," Michiru murmured, her arms tightening around Haruka's waist as if she was afraid she would run towards freedom in case she were to let go. Normally Michiru tolerated Haruka's soft spot for pretty girls, but just as well as Haruka knew that it was different when it came to _Tsukino Usagi, _so did Michiru. Reaching down to cover Michiru's hands with her own, Haruka withheld a reply to remind the Senshi of the Sea that nothing in this world could keep the wind prisoner when it decided to blow freely… but even when it did, even when it ran along foreign coasts and coached the kites of little girls towards the sky, it still carried the scent of the ocean to which it would always return. In the end.

Usagi was a brilliant pearl – a priceless diamond, even…. but Haruka had never used jewellery for other purposes than to feel a short moment's awe and admiration. The wind was unpredictable, yes, but not unfaithful.

"If you didn't know me better… _ne_?" responded Haruka, her smile returning and this time it felt genuine. Michiru relaxed against her back, sighing softly.

"Yes, if I didn't know you better…" she said.

The silence that fell between them held promises neither needed to express.

**_ finis _**


End file.
